ego.

I believe that people has a good heart in nature.
a heart that is able to think about others above ourselves.
a heart that is willing to help others to succeed.
a kind heart.

however, sometimes ego kicks in.
it closes our eyes to those good stuffs to reach our personal goal.
"I will do anything as long as I am happy.
as long as I am not hurt.
as long as I succeed."

ego makes us does not realize that we may be hurting others.
your ego might suffocate other persons that are close to you.

now.

I need a hug.

missing home so badly.
room is too quiet.
and there is lizard somewhere here.

I need a hug now.

demand.

my mum told me this when I was back in Jakarta last month.

"I, as a mum, want my children to have a great life partner.

When you guys start dating someone and introduce it to me, I want to know your partner well.

Is he/she a good person?

Will he/she treat my child nicely?

Does he/she has a good manner?

Do he/she know how to dress up according to the occasion? (note: well-groomed guy looks attractive)

*because my mum has been trying to "teach" me and my brother to dress up properly*

But, after I thought about it, do my children have a good quality or behaviour themselves that allow me to demand for such a great quality from their potential life partner?"

P.S.: those qualities demanded by my mum are just my observation during those years of my brother or me dating someone.

My mum particularly stressed on the manner.

Your manner reflects on what your parents have taught to you all these while.

If you have a good manner, it shows that you are brought up in a good environment.

good manner does not only get girls, but it gives you the heart of her mum as well ;)

I do have my own criteria of my partner.

however, I have long thought that I would not even think about those criteria I have in mind for my partner when I have fallen in love with someone.

but now, there's one criterion that can never be ignored.

love your and my family and be nice to them.

as a daughter of the family, I am really close to my dad, mum and brother and I hold them dearly.

(not to say that the son of the family is not close to their family. I know some guys who are close to theirs :])

and for me, a guy that holds dear his family is really attractive.

the one that respects their parents.

the one that is not shy to hold his mum's hands in the public (dad doesn't do this to their sons usually).

the one that can have serious conversations or jokes with his dad.

I (or every girl) wants a great partner (e.g. loyal, honest, kind, smart, etc etc).

however, do I have the quality to demand such a great partner?

if you are complaining about your partner's bad habit or behaviour currently,

take a moment to reflect yourself.

do you have the quality to demand for partner that is more than this?

can you talk nicely about the bad habit or behaviour to them?

no one likes to be confronted or talked about their behaviour or habit.

however, it's the only way you would know about yourself.

you should feel lucky to have someone to show you all of these.

the point I want to make is: if you want to have a great partner, change yourself for the better.

don't fake it, because sometimes you might show your true nature.

change is not easy.

you can't do it instantly.

but no one says it's impossible.

untitled.

crying twice for completely different reasons tonight.
glad that I have a friend like you :)
thank you.

expectations.

well, it feels good to be smarter, stronger or better than anyone else at a particular thing.
however, it has its drawback.

because you have more skills or knowledge, people will have expected more of you.
"Oh, he's good at soccer. He will play very well then in the match."
even though they are better than you, it does not mean that they won't have any mistakes or bad days, in which they may perform badly.

as people expected more of you, you will feel pressurized.
and most of the time, pressure results in bad performance.
the worst case is: you won't do well, and people starts criticizing.
but if you did well, people would go: "ahhh, it's normal of them to be as amazing as that."

the criticism given might be just a joke, but the criticized people might take it to their heart.
it's not the critics fault though.
some or most of better person do have their own expectations of themselves.
and self-expectation (especially if it's in excessive) causes them to take jokes seriously.

I am not saying that having self-expectation is bad.
but everything that is lacking or in excessive is not good.
you have to know your own limits and capabilities.

growing up.

when I was a little girl, I really wanted to grow up quickly.
putting on make up, wearing high heels and do what adults do.
(if you know me now, above sentence is hard to believe looking at my current state)

now when I finally grown up, I realized being an adult and the whole growing-up things sucks.
as you matured, your responsibility grows bigger and bigger.
expectations are everywhere, including your own expectations of yourself.
you can't be like a child who does thing without thinking, only out of curiosity.

as an adult, we are expected to be responsible and to think for every action and consequences that might arise from it.
future plan, job, country you wanted to live in, goals, and many more.
those actually are the simplest ones, the ones that you can control if you want to.

but falling in love with someone is the one you can't control, even if you want to.
I am not saying that you have to consider the background, looks or wealth.
it's just frosting and decorations to an important foundation.
whether the future plans of each person connect and are compatible.
whether both of your future is happening at the same place.
and all those stuffs that you have to consider since you are an adult now.

just another random thing popping out from my head.