maybe it's just me.

while I'm browsing through my news feed on facebook, this post caught my eyes.

"Am I the only person who feels like they're floating between groups, not actually belonging to any circle of friends? Like even if you technically do, everyone has their own respective circle of other friends that they will always prioritize?"

taken from Monash Confessions - Sunway Campus page.

and somehow I can relate to this.

maybe it's just me, but I do feel that way.

no, I don't resent my friends for being that way.

and yes, I want to have at least a friend, who will prioritize me over their other friends.

maybe it's because of my personality as well.

I don't know what to talk about when I meet my friends.

that's why I prefer not to greet someone whom I am not close with.

because I will only say hello and goodbye.

even to my close friends, I don't ask so much about them.

it's not because I don't care about what's going on with their life.

I think I will become boring if I keep asking about the same stuffs every time I meet them.

"how's life?"

"do you still have assignments?"

"how's your exam timetable?"

"what are you going to do after you graduate?"

especially when they never tell me anything about their life.

I keep asking those questions because I know nothing about their personal life and they never tell me about it.

I am not the person who can just ask and force people (in a good way) to talk about their personal life.

*some people don't just tell their stories. some people have to be forced in a good way to talk*

each people draws their line differently.

some might not mind if you ask them about their personal life.

sometimes they might think that you are not close enough to talk about those.

some might need to be forced to talk.

I am afraid to cross that line.

I might think that I am close to them, but they might not think it's appropriate for me to ask about their personal life.

so I always wait for them to talk.

I am more than happy to listen, especially when they really need someone to.

oh shit oh shit.

today it's the first time I ever scratched a car.
and it was not even mine.

I truly regretted my impatience,
and learnt the meanings of "good things will come to those who wait, and better things happen to those who are patient."

drafts.

unpublished drafts are similar to unexpressed thoughts.

they may not be published due to several reasons.
the author might think that the writing is not ready yet to be published.
maybe due to its structure or unfinished writings, which ideas have yet to come to the author.
maybe the writing might offence or hurt someone else.
or maybe it is meant to stay as draft for the author to keep it to themselves.

for the latter,
personally, it is suffocating to keep something to myself.
it may not be appropriate to always express your thoughts to related person.
especially when it involves someone's habits, behaviour or beliefs.
*P.S.: when I say beliefs, it does not necessarily mean religion.*

as to avoid hurting someone else, I will write it instead and keep it as a draft.
I will review it over and over again, and thought to myself, will my writing hurt someone when they read it?

people respond differently to critics.
some may positively and think logically on why I have such thoughts.
but some may not.
they may misunderstood the meaning of a piece of writing, and negatively respond to the critics.

changing.

found this while browsing thru my old emails.
sent this to someone before, and never posted it up.
and after re-reading it, I think it's worth sharing for :)

***

to have a relationship with someone gives you a benefit.
to know yourself better, with the help of someone special, who is willingly to help you change and become a better person.
bear with your bad side, let you know about it, and talk to you nicely about it and how WE can fix it :)
acquaintances and normal friends, if they happen to see your bad side, will just walk away from you without letting you know about it.
by having someone special, they let you know and learn how you usually interact with others and how they feel about it.

changing does not mean that we have to be an ideal person according to that someone special.
but becoming a better person without having to put on our mask, with a purpose of pleasing others only.
changing, with a motivation to make our beloved ones happy, not just our dearest someone special.
because when that someone special leaves, we will still have our beloved ones as a motivation for us to become a better person.

Theodor Seuss Geisel said, "Do not cry because it is over. Smile because it happened."
ending a relationship is never pleasing to people, but cherish the relationship because it has given us lessons :)
at the end of a relationship, we will think where we did wrong, an action of unknowingly self-introspection.
if we finally found our bad side, we will try to change, and by doing that, we eventually will become a better person, who is worth of someone better that the previous.
worth of someone special who will bear with you, even in your worst condition :)
when it happens, then forever is theirs.

thanks for making me a better person.
vee.