untitled.

crying twice for completely different reasons tonight.
glad that I have a friend like you :)
thank you.

expectations.

well, it feels good to be smarter, stronger or better than anyone else at a particular thing.
however, it has its drawback.

because you have more skills or knowledge, people will have expected more of you.
"Oh, he's good at soccer. He will play very well then in the match."
even though they are better than you, it does not mean that they won't have any mistakes or bad days, in which they may perform badly.

as people expected more of you, you will feel pressurized.
and most of the time, pressure results in bad performance.
the worst case is: you won't do well, and people starts criticizing.
but if you did well, people would go: "ahhh, it's normal of them to be as amazing as that."

the criticism given might be just a joke, but the criticized people might take it to their heart.
it's not the critics fault though.
some or most of better person do have their own expectations of themselves.
and self-expectation (especially if it's in excessive) causes them to take jokes seriously.

I am not saying that having self-expectation is bad.
but everything that is lacking or in excessive is not good.
you have to know your own limits and capabilities.

growing up.

when I was a little girl, I really wanted to grow up quickly.
putting on make up, wearing high heels and do what adults do.
(if you know me now, above sentence is hard to believe looking at my current state)

now when I finally grown up, I realized being an adult and the whole growing-up things sucks.
as you matured, your responsibility grows bigger and bigger.
expectations are everywhere, including your own expectations of yourself.
you can't be like a child who does thing without thinking, only out of curiosity.

as an adult, we are expected to be responsible and to think for every action and consequences that might arise from it.
future plan, job, country you wanted to live in, goals, and many more.
those actually are the simplest ones, the ones that you can control if you want to.

but falling in love with someone is the one you can't control, even if you want to.
I am not saying that you have to consider the background, looks or wealth.
it's just frosting and decorations to an important foundation.
whether the future plans of each person connect and are compatible.
whether both of your future is happening at the same place.
and all those stuffs that you have to consider since you are an adult now.

just another random thing popping out from my head.

maybe it's just me.

while I'm browsing through my news feed on facebook, this post caught my eyes.

"Am I the only person who feels like they're floating between groups, not actually belonging to any circle of friends? Like even if you technically do, everyone has their own respective circle of other friends that they will always prioritize?"

taken from Monash Confessions - Sunway Campus page.

and somehow I can relate to this.

maybe it's just me, but I do feel that way.

no, I don't resent my friends for being that way.

and yes, I want to have at least a friend, who will prioritize me over their other friends.

maybe it's because of my personality as well.

I don't know what to talk about when I meet my friends.

that's why I prefer not to greet someone whom I am not close with.

because I will only say hello and goodbye.

even to my close friends, I don't ask so much about them.

it's not because I don't care about what's going on with their life.

I think I will become boring if I keep asking about the same stuffs every time I meet them.

"how's life?"

"do you still have assignments?"

"how's your exam timetable?"

"what are you going to do after you graduate?"

especially when they never tell me anything about their life.

I keep asking those questions because I know nothing about their personal life and they never tell me about it.

I am not the person who can just ask and force people (in a good way) to talk about their personal life.

*some people don't just tell their stories. some people have to be forced in a good way to talk*

each people draws their line differently.

some might not mind if you ask them about their personal life.

sometimes they might think that you are not close enough to talk about those.

some might need to be forced to talk.

I am afraid to cross that line.

I might think that I am close to them, but they might not think it's appropriate for me to ask about their personal life.

so I always wait for them to talk.

I am more than happy to listen, especially when they really need someone to.